Great love

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.                                    Eph. 2.4, 5

The first thing this Scripture tells me is that God loves me, and His love for me is great. Right now, I need to hear this. I feel low in spirit, side-lined by God, and not being used by him according to the desire I have for Him to use me.

Yet, even as I write these words, my mind sees through them. My mind says, ‘But surely it’s not what you want, but what God wants. And, as you so often cry out to God for His will to be done in your life, so you need to accept, at this very moment, that you are precisely in His will for this time. His will is to occasion no more ‘doing’ from you than the little that is happening.’ This is most interesting self-talk. I remind myself to listen carefully, for it is as if God is speaking to me through myself.

These verses tell me more than God loves me. They also tell me that, through His rich mercy, He made me alive in Christ even whilst I transgressed. The reality is that I am still in transgressions, yet He makes me alive in Christ. Minute by minute He brings me to life, in Christ. And this is purely and simply by His grace.

I see here a difference between reality and truth. My present reality is that of a ‘downer’. I feel despondent and could easily chuck it all in. Yet I am stopped simply because I don’t know what that means. Chuck in what? And chuck it into – where? I think what I’m saying is that I’m ready to stop trying and sink into an abyss of self-pity. This appears as the present reality. But the truth is vastly different. And the truth breaks forth today in God’s very words to me. He loves me. His love for me is great! And in His mercy He brings me to life. I live in His love, and I live in Jesus. I feel my spirit rise. Again the self-talk comes and says, ’How dare you feel down and low in the face of such love and mercy and abundant grace, that has saved you (yes, I do know this!) and now, this very moment, brings you to life and fills you with the very fullness of Christ.’

Lord God,

First I say sorry. I’m sorry for forgetting that I am a much loved child of the most wonderful God. I’m sorry that I allow myself to give in to doubt and despair, and even to indulge in self-pity. Please forgive me. You are my all. I thank You for the love, mercy and grace that brought me to salvation in Christ. Paul reminds me of the faith that occasioned this. And this faith was not of my doing, but was a gift from You.

My Dear Father, I dare to ask for Your gift of further faith. I ask also for infilling, and constant topping-up, with the fullness of Christ in me. Let me be always aware, every second of every day, of Your presence with me. I will say, with Moses, if You don’t go with me, I don’t want to go. Come with me today. Dear Lord, lead me on, in Jesus’ Name I ask.    Amen.