Deserted

Then everyone deserted him and fled.                                                   Mark 14.50

Jesus said they would (Mark 14.27.31). But, now that it has happened, and all have run away, I wonder how He felt. Was He prepared for their sudden desertion? I can be well aware of some impending event that I may not look forward to. I can be aware of it and yet, when it happens I may be quite unprepared for the sudden shock.

The first aspect of this verse to impact me is to wonder how Jesus felt. I sense at this time, and after the strain of Gethsemane and the ordeal of betrayal, that Jesus the man was being sorely tested. I can only presume that His ongoing commitment to the mission ahead of Him carried Him through any doubts or disappointments. Oh, that I might respond in faith and trust in trying and unpleasant situations.

The second response that the verse brings from me is the sadness of Jesus being left all alone. My whole being wants to cry out – as, indeed, did Peter – that I wouldn’t do such a thing. Yet I know I cannot declare this with total conviction. My faith hasn’t really been tested to the extreme. I do wonder, deep down, how I might react if such a trial were to come upon me.

Jesus cried out that the Father’s will be done. I cry out in like manner. But there is a difference. At the very height of His struggle, Jesus was shunned and spurned by his own Father, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15.34) I know that God will never forsake me: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Heb.13.5). And these two truths are inextricably linked. The reason that God will never forsake me is because, for perhaps the briefest of time, He forsook His own Son as He hung on the cross. As Jesus hung there, broken and despised, He took upon Himself the sins of the world, of all time – past, present and future. This included all of my sins. And, because He carried my sin, the Father, the righteous Father could not look on Him, and so turned away. I am accepted because, momentarily, Jesus was rejected. My sins are absolved in Him.

With this reminder, the thought that I might one day – or even one moment – desert Him rises up as the most unpleasant and disloyal thinking. But what can I do? I simply declare my present feelings and commitment, and hope and trust for ongoing continuity, and for His strength in trial and testing.

Holy Lord,

Right now I boldly declare You as my Saviour and my Lord and I dare to walk beside You, without thought of ever leaving You. This is my present declaration and my hope is for it to continue. Yet I know that the flesh is weak. I look to You, my Lord and King, and I pray for Your constant presence in my life. There may be times of trial and temptation ahead. You told the disciples that hardship might be expected. You spoke of arrest and trial but admonished them not to worry beforehand about what to say. You assured them that the Holy Spirit would give them the words. Right now, Lord, I’m in the beforehand. If I am to be obedient to You I will not worry about what to say, but will trust the Holy Spirit to give me all the necessary words at the right time.

Precious Lord, once again I sense that I am to trust You and I am overwhelmed with delight. Just a short while ago, seemingly, it appeared to me to be quite a stretching task to trust You. I had to overcome all sorts of insecurities and break past patterns of non-trust. I presently sense that previous restraint has been removed. As I now think of trusting You I am mindful of what an absolute privilege it is. I – poor, mortal, sinful being am being wooed and pursued by Almighty God, Divine Love. O Most Holy One, I come in all the trust that I can manifest. I adore You and give myself fully into Your way and Your will. Furthermore, I ask You to dig deeper. Go further into me, please, and bring increasing thrust with each passing day.

O that I may never desert You. Hold me close, and never let me go. I love You and I receive You lavish loving, in humility and thanksgiving.               Amen.