Tuesday 1 July 2014

Reflection

Of the three Caminos that I've now walked this year's has been the most personally challenging, and the most personally productive and satisfying.

For a very long time God has led me on a journey to place my trust in Him. It has been a gradual process and filled with years of learning on my part. And this was principally learning that I didn't realise or think that I needed. Along the way many conversations took place. Typical of these is one that I've shared with listeners at different times. It goes something like this:

God: Peter, I need you to trust me.
Me: Lord, I do trust You. You know I do
God: you trust me x % (where x has always been less than 100). I need 100% of your trust.

I got the message some time ago. God needs me to trust Him 100%. I've tried to do this. It's not that easy. Unlike some stories I've heard, I've never been in a position where I've only had God to help me. Never, that is, until this year and the Via de la Plata.

It's no mistake that fewer pilgrims walk the Via de la Plata than the other Caminos. Indeed the number can be so few that much of the time one is walking on one's own. Well,without human company that is. It is not difficult for me to be on my own, I quite enjoy myself. But I also know that I'm not alone for I have chosen to walk with Jesus -for every day of my life, wherever I might be,

So, when I find myself in a small village with no facilities, when fellow pilgrims have walked on but I don't have the energy to go further; when I'm so tired that I could fall asleep literally in the gutter; when I have absolutely no other resources to call upon, then I am reminded that I have chosen to walk with Jesus. So I look to Him. He lets me sleep, propped up against the side of a bus shelter and, while I sleep, He refreshes and strengthens me. He leads me to walk on. Is He active in the next village where I search in vain to find the albergue? Is He behind my decision to walk even further? Maybe! Did He know that the road construction people would confuse the Camino directions for me? I believe He knows everything. When I stood facing that cutting excavation and knew I had to climb to the top, I called on Him to strengthen me and go with me step by step. This was just one occasion when I only had God to turn to, to rely upon -and to trust. There were more.

Situations arose that required me to place my full trust in Him. I could not see this happen at home. I am mindful of the props we cling to and the devices we employ to get ourselves out of sticky situations.

So many times on the Camino it was, simply and absolutely, just God and me. And what sweet times we had. I have experienced a deeper connection and intimacy with my maker. And I pray it will deepen even more.

A further lesson came with the bed bugs. This episode really upset me, and had me seriously consider God's protection, its extent and effectiveness. God brought it back to trust. He said, "Are you only going to trust me when I keep you free of trial? Does your trust require cotton wool treatment? That form of trust is conditional. The 100% that I'm looking for from you is totally unconditional. You trust me, or you don't. It's that simple!" 

Job came into my mind. I saw this man with a body covered in the most horrible, painful, itchy, scratch-provoking, infectious sores, and I heard him say, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." Job trusted God. Despite the horrors he endured (and mine are surely nothing in comparison) he hoped in God. 

It's as if God is saying, "Look to me in the trial. Place your hope in me. You've seen me get you up that cutting face. You saw me lead you in a legitimate alternative when you thought you were lost. You've walked greater distances in a day than you would have considered doing if circumstances hadn't absolutely forced you. You have overcome much on this journey. I am pleased with you. I think your trust in me is reaching fullness."

It's true. This Camino has tested me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I blush now when I recall the times I got angry with God. I imagine Him smiling at my blushes. He knows that I'm learning and growing even now. I feel that something has changed, something in me has progressed and advanced in these past six or seven weeks.

The Camino walk 2014 is over, but the journey continues. I still look to walk with God every day. Tomorrow I head to Italy. I wonder what adventures await me there. As I go, I know I've taken hold of a greater trust in God. I've experienced deeper relationship and closer intimacy. These will not leave me, He will not leave me. I thank God for this Camino, every part of it. I thank Him for His ongoing companionship, His grace and His love.

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